I don't even know where to begin.

I wish to say it doesn't affect me, but it does. Somehow, I always fall in the firing line when it comes time to put the blame on a person. Maybe it's because of my tendency to speak my mind, maybe it's my boisterious personality, but I'd like to think it's because of my receding hairline, that because I've got so little hair left, my forehead disperses light into all direction, inevitably catching people's notice.

Recently, I've been called a rat, a little man, a firy stone (literal translation from the Malay word- Batu Api), an instigator, a girl-bully and so many many more. People are quick to pass a judgement. When they have a theory on what is going on, they gather together and whisper and put the blame on a person. When the matter was cleared up, instead of apologizing for having accused the person wrongly, they just act as though all is well and move on. Without a care of the person whom they gossiped aout. And of course, by then rumours would have already spread to regions far and wide...

Recently a close friend encountered some problems, approached me and told me what he was feeling. Thinking that I should be a good friend especially in his time of needs, I consoled him, assured him, saying he has my support, and the support of many more in every decision that he makes.

When finally he made a decision, somehow people think that I manipulated my way, and somehow bore a presence into his brain and every single decision he made.

Next, the same friend called me up to his room a few days later. He sounded urgent. And upon reaching his room I found another friend crying. I passed her tissue papers, gave her a cup of water to drink, patted her back, gave her some consoling and supporting words, like any friends would. Then convinced her that even if no one does, I believe in her. And I swear by my life that I do.

Then she went back to her room, and somehow people think I was the one who made her cry.

Then suddenly a deragatory and demeaning comment was made on a friend's blog, raising some sensitive issue. Lucky for me, I was busy the whole night running up and down in the hostel looking for dancers, a friend was with me the whole time, and could easily vouch for my whereabouts. And the fact that I share one internet cable with my roommate who had the internet cable to himself the whole night (playing CS with some other friends). And, of course, I have no other means of internet access, my nokia handphone doesn't even have bluetooth function, what more to say GPRS?

But then, the damage was done. EVERYONE conjured up the idea that I had the galls to use a pseudonym, post an offending remark and left someone else to be blamed. An act which I myself am disgusted by. Of course, by then people have already spread their theories. When the evidence was presented to them, what do they do? Nothing.

So there you go, once more I am the scape goat. But once again, lucky for me, years of eating sand in the sandbox in kindergarden made my skin thick enough to endure the onsloughts of attacks. Waves and waves of them.

Bristol: It's the constant and determined effort that breaks down all resistance and sweeps away all obstacles.

Babe Ruth: It's hard to beat a person who never gives up.

Japanese Proverb: Fall seven times, stand up eight.

Aaliyah: If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again, you can dust it off and try again

I really didn't even want to post this up in my blog. I thought it wasn't even necessary. But 3 strikes in less than a week? I think finally the time is ripe for this-

If only they saw how much effort I put, how much time I spent, how many calls I made, how many people I've approached, how many sms-ses I sent, how many hours I spent on this when I could have just given up and STUDIED for my upcoming Opthalmology exam, and how deep my head is into making this a success, then maybe they will just leave me alone and let me do my job?

Leave me alone. Please?


"the face everybody love to hate"